dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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