Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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