the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
