I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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