Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
