My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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