Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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