goodnight i made you a song goodbye
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize