I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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