Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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