If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
