My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i think i have two assholes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
