like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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