my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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