chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
