Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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