so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
