Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
