Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
not ubering you a puppy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
