this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
