Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
