Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
