Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
