I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
