I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
