she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
