kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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