Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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