When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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