I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
