Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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