that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
