STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
