ugly people sure do ruin things
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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