life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
