I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
