How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
