i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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