yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do vagina's smell?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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