I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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