yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
