He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Four minutes until I can fart!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
