if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
