OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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