Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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