He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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