I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
