omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
