Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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