Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
