Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
