its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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