____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
