thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
