i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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