This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
