i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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