But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
