ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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