Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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