She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm both gender and math confused
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
