I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
