How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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