Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
