so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
