Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
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Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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