Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
