I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
