College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
