remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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