mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize