I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
