I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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